Birthday
by Crystalazer
Summary: Kakashi doesn't celebrate his birthday anymore. Kindaangst.


**Birthday**

**Disclaimer: **Naruto, and all related subjects, belong not to me.**  
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Kakashi doesn't celebrate his birthday anymore. He still gets gifts; some kind of trinket from Asuma, Kurenai bakes him a cake, and Gai flings himself on his eternal rival and sobs all over his shoulder about how youthful, hip, and modern he remains, despite every passing year.

He accepts the gifts gracefully; he knows that his friends only do it because they care about him. He takes Asuma's trinket home and places it on one of the shelves in his bedroom. He goes to the kitchen and eats a bite or two of Kurenai's birthday cake, which amazingly, is only forty-five percent burned, before sticking it in the refrigerator. Then, he goes to bed feeling less than youthful, hip, and modern.

September 15th might have been a special day once upon a time ago, but his mother had died giving birth to him, so the pang of guilt never quite left his heart; it only worsened on his birthday. His father, at least, had at least made an effort to make it known to Kakashi that he didn't blame him in the least, but when his son expressed openly that he felt there was nothing special about it, they dropped it off the calendar entirely.

Then when Sensei came along, Kakashi was forced to mark the date on his calendar again. When they met for the first time, one of the first questions the five-year-old was asked was when his birthday was. Somewhat grudgingly, but without complaint, he told him.

The blonde man scratched his wild hair and rolled his bright blue eyes up towards the sky in an expression of serious thought. Suddenly, he grinned widely down at Kakashi and the boy was a little taken aback by the sudden change in manner.

"I know! There's this great ramen place down the street! I'll take you there—"

"You don't have to," interjected Kakashi quickly, and Sensei laughed.

"Nonsense! Every boy deserves something special on his birthday! Come on, it'll be my treat!"

Kakashi was about to tell the Jounin that his birthday wasn't for another two weeks and that he didn't celebrate his birthday anyway, but the older man looked so jovial that he decided to keep his mouth shut…for the time being, anyway.

At the Ichiraku, which was the name of the ramen stand, the Jounin bought his new charge a dish with the most extravagant name Kakashi had ever heard. The bowl was about three times the diameter of his head. The five-year-old was sensible enough to know that he couldn't possibly finish the whole bowl, and told his sensei so. The blond man shook his head with a laugh and told the boy that he would finish what he couldn't. He wasn't lying, either. It took half an hour for Kakashi to finish a fourth of the bowl. It took Sensei two minutes to finish the remaining three-fourths.

After that, once a week until he turned seven, Sensei took Kakashi out for ramen at the Ichiraku, whether the boy wanted to or not.

Then, when his father died, they stopped going out for ramen and Kakashi's birthday was once again insignificant.

Two years later, he gained two teammates and it was impossible to ignore anymore. At first, Kakashi kept quiet about the whole thing, and to his credit, so did Sensei. The first year went without a hitch. Then, one day, while they were waiting for Obito, who was late again, Rin, trying to make pleasant conversation out of the awkward silence, asked Kakashi when his birthday was because he had always gotten them something nice for their birthdays and it was unfair that they didn't even know when his was.

Kakashi said nothing, but Rin persisted, and after a polite cough from Sensei, he finally relented and told her in a low, rushed tone. Luckily, further interaction was interrupted by the arrival of the Uchiha. The mission thus commenced and the topic dropped…for the time being.

Apparently, Rin told Obito when Kakashi's birthday was, because on the next September 15th, they both turned up with presents. Rin had somehow gotten her hands on a set of black explosive tags (something usually only Jounin would be in possession of…or need to use, for that matter), and Obito, who apparently forgot until that morning, shamelessly presented Kakashi with a pair of socks. Then, despite Kakashi's protests about getting to the training grounds on time, Sensei took all three of them out for ramen. And all three of them watched open-mouthed (though Kakashi definitely didn't show it) as the blond-haired man drained the bowl in one go.

--

Kakashi's enthusiasm for holidays in general has been subdued somewhat since he was younger, but then again, he was never really big on them in the first place. But the one thing he was glad for was that at least something was consistent in his life. So they celebrated the best they could.

--

One year, Sensei caught the flu on Obito's birthday, so he convinced his three charges to celebrate at the Ichiraku without him. Things didn't go quite as planned, as they ended up bringing the gigantic bowl back to his apartment.

The next year, Sensei opened his apartment door in the wee hours of the morning on the twenty-fifth of January to find himself being squirted in the face with a strategically-placed water gun. He responded with a Rasengan and almost blew the entire complex apart.

The year Obito died, Kakashi still received a pair of socks for his trouble.

Kakashi and Rin spent Sensei's next birthday at the Ichiraku, looking at the gigantic bowl and wishing that the contents would be slurped down right before their eyes. Two hours later, they're clearing out his apartment for the last time.

On her next birthday, Rin received a pair of white chrysanthemums.

--

Kakashi runs out of people to celebrate with by the time he reaches fifteen and suddenly, things really aren't so consistent anymore. He joins the ranks of ANBU and becomes commander by his next birthday, quitting the ranks two months later.

The moment he walks into the Jounin Lounge, he is beset upon by a man in a hideous green jumpsuit who declares challenge after challenge. Slightly bemused, Kakashi agrees and feels his dignity slowly slipping away.

--

The Sandaime recommends to Kakashi that he should become a Jounin instructor. Missions are harrowing and he's been working so hard lately. The request is a command if he had ever heard one.

--

He fails the first team, then the next, and the one after as well. Some are talented; exceptionally so. Others…well, they'll learn. These facts he can't deny. But he sends them back to the Academy year after year because, frankly, he knows that they will learn absolutely nothing from him.

This year, he decides that he doesn't want to train another team; doesn't want to have to look at their disappointed faces and feel as apathetic as he's been feeling for the past decade. This year, he might actually tell the Hokage so. As he closes his apartment door, he notes vaguely that today is September 15th for the twenty-sixth time in his life.

--

"Take a look at the list this year before you decide, Kakashi." The Sandaime hands him a list before he even has a chance to open this mouth.

He takes it and scans the list. Outwardly, what can be seen of his face shows nothing. Kakashi's good at things like masking emotion. What needs to be worked on is blocking it out.

…_Sensei…Obito…_

Their names are right there; one he hasn't seen since the funeral twelve years ago, and the other which had been on all the headlines for two months before suddenly disappearing as if it was old news that no one wanted to remember anymore.

"I'll do it," He says without thinking, and the Sandaime smiles. Damn.

--

He fails them. That comes to no surprise; he predicted it from the start. Naruto acted nothing like Sensei, displayed no redeeming features other than his undying determination to become Hokage and be recognized. Sasuke was all ambition and focus, nothing at all like Obito, despite having blood relations with him. Kakashi wonders if Sasuke knew that his sensei's teacher had been teammates with who would have been his uncle.

And the girl…well, Sakura was definitely just as bright as Rin had been, but Rin had never been quite as air-headed as this one. She had potential, but at the moment, all her sights were set on Sasuke, who obviously was unattainable.

The surprise comes. He gives them another chance because something that Sensei said once upon a time ago popped into his head and refused to leave. He words his lecture in such a way that would test their logic and comprehension.

Kakashi decides that he'll need to get used to being called "sensei."

--

A month later, it's October tenth and Kakashi visits the monument early. For an hour or two, his lips form soundless words; an apology, a conversation, whatever exactly he is trying to say eludes him. Eventually, he figures that they'll probably understand what he's trying to say. Or, at least, if Obito doesn't, Rin and Sensei can explain it to him. Looking at the early morning sun, Kakashi judges that he's pretty darn late.

--

For once, Naruto doesn't seem to be angry at Kakashi for being late. In fact, none of his students snapped at him for not showing up on time, as was the norm. He can guess why they were so quiet; even though none of them personally remembered the Kyuubi and the attack on Konoha, it wasn't as if the subject was merely touched on during their academy years.

Today might have been hard on the rest of Konoha, but for someone like Naruto, it must have been especially difficult. For a kid who was born on the anniversary of the attack and hated because of it, he bore it unbearably well. Where Kakashi chose to deny his birthday as a special one, Naruto had no choice, and that wasn't fair.

A sudden memory of a day long ago appears in his mind and refuses to leave him alone.

"Hey…Naruto, it's your birthday, right?"

The blonde nods and cringes visibly, as if preparing for the verbal barrage that's sure to come.

"Want to go out for ramen? It'll be my treat."

--

_Fin_

_--_

Tired...so...tired...I want to cry! This, believe it or not, took _way _too long to write. As in...two weeks-too long to write. I don't know whether it's Writer's Block or what, but here I am, all ready to write, and no time to write it. School started, so I guess that cuts my writing time by a noticible fraction. Angst for the new year! Huzzah!

Anyway, so about this one...I know that I switched tenses in the middle of the story. Although it probably isn't very professional of me, it was indeed intentional. I was trying to create the line between past and present. Also, you'll notice that I didn't use many description words of Kakashi (i.e. "Sharingan holder" or "silver-haired Jounin"). This is because I'm going for a more bare-boned piece without any fancy-shmancy stuff to make it more personal.

Also, in places like China and Japan, the color white symbolizes death, and the chrysanthemum is a very important flower in many East-Asian countries.

_Love it? Hate it? I'll never know unless you **review!**_


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